Well Tubers, Spring sprung and Summer sizzled. So now, Fall has…er…fallen upon us with the upcoming Autumn TV schedule, NFL Football, and something about electing the leader of the Free World. The air is getting crisp, the trees are turning and our television watching habits for the next four months are being shaped. Before you know it, someone will be dropping a ball on Ryan Seacrest’s head. Or is that just a fantasy of mine? Anyway, let’s go!

  

SNL’s new season debuted with Seth McFarland, Frank Ocean, three new cast members and a brand new Obama. Well, not exactly new. Jay Pharaoh steps out of his relative chorus line status of the last three seasons to become Lorne Michaels’ new Commander-in-Chief. The early results for Pharaoh’s impression are pretty positive, proving his summer break was not wasted. One has to wonder why after three years Fred Armisen got the Oval Office boot, but that’s late night show biz… Perhaps there is a subconscious desire for regime chance? Hmmm….

 

Unfortunately, if the election does go to the conservative side, that doesn’t mean four years of job security for current Mitt Romney stand-in Jason Sudeikis, whose already said he’s leaving the show in January. You know what that means…. Bobby Moynihan, come on down!

 

 

Speaking of job security, ABC’s new supernatural soap opera, 666 Park Ave. will once again feature a character played by Vanessa Williams. This will be Vanessa’s third different Prime Time assignment in four seasons after already being a featured player on Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives. While the early reviews for the divine Ms. Williams and her co-star Terry O’Quinn have been buzz worthy, one has to wonder if she plans to keep using her lifetime option to keep appearing on primetime shows for the 1-2-3 Network. Maybe she’s holding out to be the next chief of surgery on Grey Anatomy.

 

And while we’re talking about heating things up, don’t sleep on Friday nights and Sanaa Lathan on STARZ’s Boss . Her performance this season as Mona has been worth firing the DVR up for as she matches Kelesy Grammer dirt-for-dirt as his new chief of staff. Seeing everyone’s favorite basketball player tear up the small screen has been almost good enough to make this columnist forget his disappointment with Kerry Washington in Scandal. Almost.

 

 

In America’s Sweetheart news, it was really a week to remember for those wacky Lohans. First on the 17th, Dina came on Dr. Phil and  displayed on national television the type of parental stability that got Lindsay where is is today.

Then on the 19th, after Twitter beefing with fellow Disney flameout, Amanda Bynes for her drving-while-toking violation, Lindsay was picked up by NYPD for striking a pedestrian and fleeing the scene. And all this after missing three days of filming for her cameo…a five-minute cameo!… with Charlie Sheen in Scary Movie 5.   

 

All that on the heels of a summer of her making a film crew strip to their undies, throwing down in da club with Clint Eastwood’s daughter and being questioned as a suspect in a possible robbery with Suge Knight’s son. 

Suge Knight’s son, Lindsay? Damn… Say what you will about Kim K. and her Hip-Hop fetish, at least she works it out with the people who are actually famous.

There really isn’t much funny about this scenario anymore with Lindsay. Hopefully, another date with the judge will get her the wake-up call she desperately needs.

Two things beg to be said here:  One, to Dina, when you make Snooki look like Mother of the Year, it’s time to make some changes. And in the “Twitter Karma is Truly a Bitch” moment of 2012, Lindsay’s handlers should be getting concerned when Charlie Sheen….Charlie Sheen!!…. is the stable, professional one when compared to your client.

 

In actual on-screen TV news, Kurt Sutter’s Sons of Anarchy has thrown down the gauntlet for most brutal scene of the Fall with former Lost and Matrix performer Harold Perrineau setting fire to one of SAMCRO’s kids in retaliation for his on-screen daughter’s death last season. Pretty heavy stuff… Might win the day, but my money is that American Horror Story’s Jessica Lange will have something that tops it before the end of the year. Man, she just looks mean!

 

And lastly….

 

What does it say about our democracy when TLC’s Here Comes Honey Boo Boo outdrew both the Democratic and Republican conventions in cable primetime? For those who say that the end is near, I would encourage them by pointing out America somehow survived the Civil War, World War Two, the Cold War Flavor of Love, the Octomom and Kate Gosselin. God bless America!

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