Well, the last head has fallen on “Game of Thrones” the final scotch and soda has been drained on “Mad Men,” all the dancing is done and various singing champs have all been crowned. And so another summer begins with you all dressed up and nowhere to go. I mean, you can’t spend every day this summer at the movie theater. So Tube Talk is here to tell you what you need to know about Summer 2012 in seven hundred words or less….
First up: Did anyone remember that the MTV Movie Awards were on June 3rd? Did anyone watch? Better yet, does anyone remember anything about last year’s movies? Yeesh, that was like seven all-time box office records and a Zuckerberg secret wedding ago… That’s asking too much of the modern attention span, MTV!
Miss Rhode Island, Olivia Culpo also won the Miss USA Pageant on the 3rd. For her years of hard work, good posture and insightful question answering, she will be rewarded with a year of having to refer to her new boss, Donald Trump by his official title, “ the Defender of Democracy.” After he checks her birth certificate, of course.
Speaking of checks, did you see the rating for History Channel’s “Hatfields and McCoys?” Kevin Costner’s and Bill Paxton’s blood-feud ended up as the highest rated basic cable series of all time. Now, we all know that Hollywood is a copy-cat kind of town. So don’t be surprised if the cast of the next version of “The Hills” is a little different than the one you remember.
And on the subject of former MTV reality show monstrosities, the network was embarrassed by a public outcry into canceling a new reality show dedicated to following around teens looking to lose their virginity. Give a big thank you to your moms for being on the job, readers. Just imagine the horror of you paying DirecTV good money to watch other people who aren’t getting laid this summer.
Continuing with the secret life of horny young males theme, there was coast-to-coast celebration when it was announced that the sequel to 2010’s all out gore-fest “Piranha 3D” was getting a Xfinity Cable On-Demand release.
Now make no mistake, with a name like “Piranha 3DD,” the film’s makers are shooting for the lowest common denominator of bloody special effects and silicon body parts. But c’mon, it has the Hoff! Playing himself! That alone makes it worth the $4.99… Just keep those hands where we can see them.
Now before you get down on LL for this uncharacteristic (LOL) display of immaturity and lack of regard for the tanning industry, someone should call and tell her she lives in the world greatest free tanning salon. You might have heard of it, Lo…. It’s called Southern California.
Sadly, the TV community suffered a tragic loss this weekend with the death of former “Desperate Housewives” actress Kathryn Joosten due to lung cancer.
Coming as it did just a few weeks after the “Housewives” finale where Joosten’s character, Ms. McCluskey, perished of the same disease, we now understand the heart-wrenching subtext to her already memorable performance. This two time Emmy award winner will be greatly missed, especially at next year’s broadcast where we will certainly hear her name read for a third time.
Not exactly TV news, but given Michelle Rodriguez’s strange rant at the Cannes Film Festival, Tube Talk has to weigh in. Michelle, taking lessons from Mel Gibson about how to win friends and influence people ain’t the way to go. If you didn’t see her comments yet (and we know that Hollywood is just hanging on her every word), the related link is below.
Note to Rodriguez, Michael Richards, Tracey Morgan and every other celebrity who wants to make strange, offensive, career killing comments in front of cameras. Wait til you’re over seventy-five and make a comeback like “Fashion Police’s” Joan Rivers. Believe you me, Fifty-Cent’s favorite senior citizen can say anything that comes into her triple-tucked mind.